I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
