Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
