is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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