I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
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