I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
