I think I am morally bankrupt
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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