Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
