Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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