why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
