Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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