Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
