Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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