I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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