That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Randomize
