for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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