I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?