Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
