I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't