dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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