people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
