Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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