just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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