The maid of honor just puked.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
