If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
