In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
