So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
