She announced her abortion via fbk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
