why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
