we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
