dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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