shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
