y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
