Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Randomize
