Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
