I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
