Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
