Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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