i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
