My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
