You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
