after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
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Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
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one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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