I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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