i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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