Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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