I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
