i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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