I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize
