I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
