We got so high we made milksteak
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
