i don't plan on having that self control this summer
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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