my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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