omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm both gender and math confused
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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