Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
