how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
