Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
