are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
