Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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