Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
