soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
