I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
