Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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