BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
