dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
