I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
