it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize