I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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