Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just had sex on a roof
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize