I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
