I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
