I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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