Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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